


to love again

by Spring_Emerald



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, Past Iwaizumi Hajime/Sawamura Daichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 22:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17754452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spring_Emerald/pseuds/Spring_Emerald
Summary: “Tetsurou,” he says, taking a different route. “You told me that even if this doesn’t work out, we won’t lose each other. Because you said that we’re friends first, before anything else.” Kuroo meets his eyes again then. “If you can’t tell me as your boyfriend, you can tell me as your friend and I promise I will listen.”





	to love again

**Author's Note:**

> I blame Jollibee for[ this ad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGH4TBl7v-0) and for giving me feels. So obviously, I can't be the only one suffering. 
> 
> This is also a direct sequel to [ "in the eye of the beholder"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11216130). While it's not completely necessary to read this one, it will provide you with more context to fully understand the depth of the issues tackled here. Yeah, and oh, this is terribly unbeta'd. I guess that's it?
> 
> (Chick)enjoy! :D

Eight months into their relationship and Daichi’s finally gained the courage to ask Kuroo to talk.

Kuroo, who’s just finished washing the dishes then, pauses from drying his hands and takes a long, deep breath. “Yeah,” he says, turning his head a little to acknowledge him. “I’ll be there in a moment.” 

After a few moments, Kuroo joins him on the couch, sitting at the space Daichi’s left for him. There’s a bit of relief, that Kuroo chose to sit there, but there is also a niggling dread because he’s not as close as how he usually is. Daichi tries not to think about why that is.

“Tetsu,” he begins. “…are we okay?” Kuroo seemed a bit surprised at the question, blinking a few before answering.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?” He says it with enough levity, but Daichi notes the slight tightness of his smile and the certain hint of sadness in his eyes.

It reminds Daichi of the way Kuroo used to look at him, months after Iwaizumi died, when he thinks that Daichi isn’t aware.

“I don’t know,” Daichi shrugs. “It’s just,” he pauses, also hesitates. Which is a bit ridiculous, considering that during the years they have been friends, he’d never have to hesitate when telling Kuroo something. Never had to second-guess himself or walk on eggshells around him, because he knows that whatever he says, it’ll be met with empathetic level-headedness.

He thought that their relationship, shifting from that of friends to lovers, would make communicating even easier, but it seems that isn’t the case.

Though it hadn’t been like this at the beginning, and even then they were talking better than they are now. It only began when Daichi actively wanted to start something, and Kuroo would _respond_ , but then pulls away before they can do anything, rather quickly, suddenly, for Daichi’s liking.

“You’ve just been distant lately,” he continues. “And I don’t know if it’s something I did, because if that’s it, you can always tell me. We can always talk about it.” He reaches for Kuroo’s hand and squeezes it. He breathes a little easier when Kuroo squeezes it back.

“You didn’t do anything, Dai,” Kuroo says, cupping Daichi’s cheek with his free hand and passes a thumb over it softly. “Everything’s alright.”

Daichi bites down on his lips, because despite Kuroo’s reassuring words, his expression and behavior doesn’t match it. And he didn’t deny that he’s being distant. Daichi doesn’t want to ask the burning question that has been bugging him since then, but there’s no point in prolonging things like this.

“Are you starting to regret this?” Daichi steels himself and swallows the beginning of hurt that lodged on his throat after asking that question.

This surprises Kuroo, if the way he flinched as if he’d been electrocuted is any indication, but he doesn’t let go of Daichi’s hand.

“Dai- what? No. _No_.” Kuroo shakes his head hard, inching closer to Daichi as he keeps saying it. “That’s not… it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” Daichi asks a little too desperately. It’s not in his nature to force people to talk about their problems and he has always respected Kuroo’s space, knowing and assured that he will come around in the time he sees fit, but he simply can’t take it anymore, especially now that he’s hung it out in the open. He can’t take it being brushed off like that.

Kuroo keeps shaking his head. “Daichi, it’s not you. It’s me.”

Daichi recoils from the words with a sharp exhale, pulling away as if being burned and his eyes start to prick. Kuroo’s quick to chase after him.

“ _Shit_. No, Dai. I don’t mean it like _that_.”

“Then _how_ did you mean it?” Daichi demands.

Kuroo stops, looking deep into Daichi’s eyes, imploring him to drop it, telling him without words that _not now_. But Daichi determinedly gazes back, not breaking the contact. Reading that Daichi won’t let this matter go, Kuroo looks away first with a sigh, carding a hand through his hair in a frustrating manner.

It’s clear to Daichi that Kuroo doesn’t want to have this conversation, and he’s starting to feel guilty for forcing his hands like this, but he needs to know _why_.

“Tetsurou,” he says, taking a different route. “You told me that even if this doesn’t work out, we won’t lose each other. Because you said that we’re friends first, before anything else.” Kuroo meets his eyes again then. “If you can’t tell me as your boyfriend, you can tell me as your friend and I promise I will listen.” Daichi’s glad that he managed to say that without crying.

He watches as different emotions pass Kuroo’s face before he finally licks his lips-a nervous tell- and sees his jaw clench in resolution.

“I know,” Kuroo nods. “It’s just that,” he licks his lips again, “I thought I got over my insecurities, but, it turns out that I haven’t yet,” he admits, looking at Daichi with guilt that tugged at his chest. “I know I shouldn’t be anymore, because you’re with me, we’re already together, but it’s just…sometimes I wonder if I can really make you happy. If you’re really fine being with _me_ , I mean, I’m not...” he doesn’t continue and ends with a helpless shrug.

Daichi fills in the blank correctly anyway. He takes a steadying breath and purses his lips, taking in the implication of Kuroo’s admission.

He’s pulled back to the day he found Kuroo kneeling in front of Iwaizumi’s grave, unexpectedly hearing him bare his heart out. In his vulnerable state, Kuroo confessed everything, the secrets he’d kept for so long, the feelings he’d kept a tight lid on, the promises he swears to keep if he’ll be given a chance, it all overflowed.

Daichi had accepted it with understanding, but they both agreed that they both need time to think about it. It didn’t take long though. It was surprising, yes, learning that Kuroo’s been harboring those kinds of feelings for him, but the moment he accepted that to be true, everything just slot itself to its rightful place, a puzzle piece that is a perfect fit. There’s nothing left to think about then and Daichi didn’t waste any time telling Kuroo his decision.

And they’ve been happy since then, found the transition to be effortless and the expression of affection natural. And maybe Daichi’s been blinded by that that he didn’t notice that something like this is still gnawing in Kuroo.

“I’m sorry,” Daichi’s voice breaks as tears fall. “Tetsu, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“Dai- _what_?” Kuroo closes the scant space, taking Daichi’s face in his hands, quickly brushing his tears away. “No, _no_. It’s not your fault, please stop crying.”

“It’s not yours either. And you do, Tetsu,” Daichi puts his hands on top of Kuroo’s and squeezes it along with his words. “You _do_. You make me _so_ happy. So happy that my heart feels like bursting out of my chest. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you don’t, but _you do_.”

Kuroo cries then, sobs Daichi’s name as tears flow from his eyes.

“A part of me will always love Iwaizumi, that’s true, but I know that you’re not Iwaizumi, you don’t have to be. You don’t have to replace him. You are _not_ a replacement.” Daichi cradles Kuroo’s face in his hands this time and pulls him close to press their foreheads together. “I _see_ you, Tetsurou. I see _you_. I see you and I love _you_.”

They cry silently for a few moments, taking comfort in each other and letting their words and feelings sink in. Daichi pulls away when they’re both calm, urging Kuroo to look at him over a chorus of sniffles and exchanges of wet smiles.

“Tetsurou, I’m in love with you and I’m happy it’s you. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, but know that I love you in the best way I know how to love someone, so please, don’t ever doubt that.”

Kuroo nods earnestly, taking Daichi’s hands and kisses it. “I won’t. I won’t anymore. I’m sorry for making you think that I’m regretting this. I’m not. Not then, not now, not ever. I love you too, Daichi, so, _so_ much.” He says adoringly, wiping the stray tears on Daichi’s face before kissing him on the lips, determined to pour all his affection and love.

Daichi breaks the tender moment, pulling back to weakly punch Kuroo on one shoulder and then lightly frowns at him. “No more holding back, alright?”

Kuroo laughs despite himself and kisses him squarely on the lips again. “No more holding back,” he promises and proceeds to show Daichi how much he intends to keep his words.

**Author's Note:**

> Tissues?  
> Thank you for reading!  
> I will happily treat you to burger or fried chicken, all I ask for in return are your tears (and comments) :D


End file.
